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Email Marketing for Ecommerce Brand

Hi! I have a specific vision for my email marketing apparatus. Check out my website: Spitehousestudios.com I am positioning my email capture as low stakes and promising to send only 2 emails a year under the guise that I hate email marketing. My businesses brand by nature is counterculture and goes against the grain in terms of business and marketing. My bet is it will increase sign ups, and increase CTR and purchase when they get an email. I would LOVE to work with someone that can understand this and help me out. 1. All of my order confirmation, shipping confirmation, shipment deliver emails, and email sign up emails all designed beautifully, on brand, and plugged in and firing correctly. 2. I LOVE the idea of my email marketing being in plain text. Like an email you would get from a coworker. I need someone to help make that happen OR convince me to do an alternate path based on how it fits with the brand. 3. Help getting me out of spam jail. New email address so I guess it comes with the territory. Let me know if you can help. I need someone that buys in with what I am trying to do and can either fulfill it or tweak it in ways that make it better.